Compassion Challenge

One of my favourite short stories is Tolstoy's "The Godson." It's the story I revisit whenever I find myself thinking that this whole world has turned a very wrong corner. 

I've changed a few details to make this super-abridged version make sense, taking out all the hows and whys of it all. Spoilers!

A boy wants to meet his godfather, so sets off on the journey and sees five specific events along the way that he later realizes are pivotal lessons about the nature of evil and what we should be doing with it:

1. A log is hanging in a tree, and a bear swats it away to get to some honey below. The log swings back and hits the bear, who then hits the log harder, and then, of course, it hits the bear even harder as it swings back. We can't meet violence with violence or it just keeps swinging back to us in equal measure. 

2. A group of farmers are running around trying to catch a calf in a field. The godson tells them to just stand still, and it will come to them. We can't stop evil by chasing it, trying to stop it; it will always be just out of reach. We have to stand still as it finds its way to us, which it will, one way or another, and then we can tend to it. 

3. A woman is washing a table with a dirty cloth, just smearing the dirt around, and he tells her to wash the cloth first. We have to make sure our own heart is clean before trying to affect others. We have to be authentic and free from ulterior motives. 

4. Blacksmiths are trying to forge a wheel without nailing down their mold, so it just keeps spinning. We have to fix our nature, become resolute in our convictions. 

5. Some boys are trying to build a fire, but as soon as the kindling lights, they dump heavy logs on it and smother it. The godson tells them to let the kindling burn hot before trying to add more logs. We have to light the fire in our own heart before we can hope to light the fire in the heart of another. 

As he learns the big lesson that we can never actually stop evil, we can only make sure we don't add any evil to the world, it changes how he reacts to evil acts around him. He starts off by killing a man who was about to kill his mother, and he feels justified for preventing evil, but soon sees he just made things worse. Then he meets the town murderer, and calls him to repent for his sins, yet hides from him whenever he gets close. Once he no longer fears death, he approaches the murderer and offers to take the place of a hostage, which makes the murderer think a bit about what he's doing. And by the end, after 60 years or so of trying to get this murderer to stop killing people, he weeps for the murderer and offers compassion to him, which turns the murderer's heart. 

The trick is to start with that compassionate bit. It's really hard.

It's hard to watch the atrocities in the world right now - so many at once! We can't stop it; we can only work towards not adding to it.

The part that makes it difficult is that it's really hard to just think about death, much less get over our fear of it - not just because it's icky, but it feels like our brains are virtually incapable of grasping the concept of death or even permanent longterm disabling illness. We picture a future, no matter how bleak, in which we'll be thinking and acting pretty much as we do today, maybe doing fewer weights at the gym or living in a smaller home. So, if I want to stop a friend from driving home drunk, I don't think about the reality that he could end up dead or killing someone else. I might say that to persuade him, but what actually comes to mind is the fact that he could lose his license. He might get in trouble, so he should just stay the night. 

I think that's one reason people really can't get on board with masks. It's too hard to think about potential deaths and illnesses of themselves or the people around them, and people won't get in trouble. And it's why we can post about the bombing of a refugee camp on social media (or a hurricane or flood or fire) and immediately follow it with a funny cat video. Even when we see it, even when it's live, in front of our eyes, our brain still doesn't quite register it. We might find it horrific and painful to watch, but the brain doesn't feel it in a way that sticks if we, ourselves, are still living in relative safety. Or, maybe just mine doesn't. But I don't think we could survive if we were thoroughly affected by every tragedy worldwide, and our brain is wired for the primacy of our own survival. 

We might be affected enough to write a letter or something, but then we notice how beautifully the sun is shining through the trees right now, and go for a lovely walk. We're necessarily distracted from suffering when it's not right in front of us. It helps us carry out our work, but it also allows atrocities to continue as we forget about the many little ways we add to problems through the many choices we make each day.  

There is so much evil in the world right now that it feels overwhelming. It feels really different, and I'm not sure if it is or if I was just naïve and previously overlooked so much of the bad. Either way, it's out there. Our fear or avoidance or inability to acknowledge and process death might prevent us from developing that courage needed to dig up some profound compassion and open our arms to others, even those we see as evil. We're a very vengeful and carceral world with just tiny pockets of courageous kindness. We need more reminders of our humanity, our ability to stop adding evil to the world and to work on lighting a fire in our own heart to keep us going. 

It's really hard when people in our closest circles can be frustratingly obtuse and the people in charge are openly corrupt and without remorse. But, challenge accepted!!

And don't forget to breathe! (Hint: change the playback speed to suit your own rhythms):