Year in Review

I don't normally do a year in review, but his was my most tumultuous year in decades. It's right up there with the year I dropped out of high school and moved in with my sister in Ottawa on a whim, and the year I moved six times mainly by bicycle. This year, I went from 31 years at the same job in the same building, doing more or less the same thing, to .... not that. And my oldest moved out to Guelph, with the middle one likely to follow, which is also a big change.  

Unfortunately, it was the worst year of teaching for me - even worse than quadmesters, and I only taught for six months. The first month was the ending of first term classes, all online, and all a delight. Then I went back into the physical classroom where every rule was questioned and overridden until I had no ability to run a regular classroom successfully. I've had some very rough classes in the past, but I was always so supported. I've never been whittled away by daily challenges like this before, so I officially took a health leave. I continued to teach from home for free for one of my classes, of course, because the supply teacher had zero background or education in the area. Covid concerns provoked an atmosphere of over-compassion from some -- or mistaken compassion: the decision to give in to whatever kids ask for, even if it's not good for them in the long run. Let them submit work that's already been taken up, or play games while I'm talking in order to de-stress, or come in late from lunch covering their desk with a full meal, or ignore due dates without any conversation or negotiation, or count it as just late when they show up for the final minute of class, insisting, "You have to mark me here; I know the rules!" Caring about the well-being of others includes having firm boundaries, but it started to feel like boundaries were no longer allowed, so I bailed earlier than I had intended. An atmosphere of learning with some sense of order from timelines and routines has to be permitted in order for learning to take place. Teachers need to know their rules will be backed up by admin, and, for the first time in my career, that wasn't always the case. I'd say I might have some effect on that as a trustee, but I've already discovered the negligible effect I can have on how policy is implemented.

I shifted directly from teaching into canvassing for trustee, and it wasn't until halfway through this week that I realized it was my first week off - with nothing that needs to be done - since retiring! And now I get one more week before I'm back to it. Canvassing was constant work, and I can't say enough how much I appreciated the people who walked with me!! Once the dust settled on that, being a student all day and working as a trustee at night brought a familiar rhythm of tasks. I have far more parents mad at me (half for not pushing for a mask mandate, and the other half for mentioning masks at all), but it bothers me less. As a teacher, I really did try to accommodate every single person in the room to make sure they could get the most out of our time together, so it would weigh heavily on me if I struggled to connect with a student. As a trustee, I can't make people with opposing views happy, and I don't know them like I got to know my students, and there are eleven of us voting on every issue, so, unexpectedly, the pressure is off to be everything to everyone. It would be nice if people weren't quite so mean about it all, though! It's curious how much the discourse deteriorates when it's a "public servant" on the receiving end, as if people paid from public taxes deserve some abusive language in their ear, as if they own us! 

A retired friend of mine advised that you won't do anything significantly differently in retirement than you do now. She had envisioned having a spotless house once work didn't get in the way of chores, but that didn't materialize - at all. I found that to be very true! Retirement shows you want you actually enjoy. I still don't sweep until there's enough cat hair to overflow the dustpan, but I wrote almost twice as much here as usual on top of writing essays for school. One prof commented on my final paper, "I appreciate that you seemed to really enjoy writing this essay!" And I biked about twice as much as usual, well over my 1,000 km goal this summer, although a good chunk of that was canvassing. Canvassing took away part of my typical time north, which I'll definitely double this upcoming summer. I'm reading constantly - so excited that the required reading for my courses is exactly the books I would be reading anyway. And I chat with tons of people online.

And that's what I do - mixed in with occasional games nights and hikes with the kids and very occasional front porch ukulele jam sessions. I enjoy very solitary pursuits for the most part. I haven't dated anyone in about 15 years, and I really can't see it happening again, which is a little startling to realize. There was a time four years ago, unaware that it was my last chance before Covid would change the scene entirely, when I set my sights on a mate for the final third, but then I sat alone waiting in restaurants for people who never came enough that I gave up on it. One thing I didn't do when I had more time is to call up people to get together. That's a thing a lot of people do with time on their hands, but it rarely occurs to me. I worried that I'd really miss the daily philosophical banter with my classes, but I get plenty of that as a student and on social media. None of my friends are the type to come north to canoe with me for a week at a time, so I may as well just chat online! Luckily, I've figured out that bringing along a big water jug to fill at the shore makes it possible to canoe from my seat (sitting backwards in the bow) instead of kneeling uncomfortably in the middle. That was a game changer this summer!

Time alone changes the nature of the stories I create to answer all the So what have you been up to lately questions, though, making them more introspective than eventful, which takes longer to explain.

And I've given up on the world a bit this year. That happens from time to time, so I might bounce back, but then again I might not. Years ago I had a full room of young environmentalists willing to spend a weekly lunch hour trying to make our school more sustainable. One of the issues we tried to tackle was the amount of garbage produced, and I noticed that every person in the room had bought their lunch from a local Tim's or McDonald's, overflowing my garbage can each meeting. I suggested that we start with ourselves, just one litterless lunch each week - and they couldn't do it. None of them would do anything that impacted their own lives. And I gave up believing in our ability to navigate climate change for a while after that. Now we watch so many people refusing to wear a mask despite Covid numbers being so much higher, and despite the stark reality that they could unwittingly be exhaling a virus that disables or kills someone else. But no matter. Someone sent this bit of conspiracy theory my way, and I'm just at the right frame of mind that it gives me pause:

"The Committee of 300 long ago decreed that there shall be a smaller--much smaller--and better world, that is, their idea of what constitutes a better world, the myriads of useless eaters consuming scarce natural resources were to be culled. Industrial progress supports population growth. Therefore the command to multiply and subdue the earth found in Genesis had to be subverted."

Except, if it's all part of a master plan, then it'll be a bit of a mess dealing with so many alive but unable to work! It's less of a cull and more of a debilitation, requiring even more resources to go to all the "eaters" who've been rendered even more useless! And all this at a time when our agriculture will have a harder time with the climate, not to mention all the asphalt burying it alive. Slowing down Covid is so much easier than slowing down climate change, so it was nice knowing ya! 

But we all stayed relatively healthy and happy here, which is amazingly lucky given what so many are living through right now!! I am endlessly grateful for all my kids' friends who will gladly gag on a cotton swab then jam it up their nose, halfway to their brain, for the opportunity of having the pleasure of the company of one of my children! They are the best!! 

All the best to you and yours for a better year. If you're reading this, we've made it through 100% of our worst days. Here's hoping we make through another year! And do soak up any sense that we might have an opportunity to start fresh in 2023 -- we really need it!