Transformation of the Self

Over thirty years ago I was in an on-again-off-again relationship that I just couldn't shake. After months of a variety of attempts of different types of therapies, I lucked into a therapist who walked me through a version of the Gestalt exercise of talking to a chair that ended my longing for this guy on a dime.

The exercise had me reimagine many ways he had enraged me, bringing all that to the surface. Then it raised any guilt I had around my own actions towards him, sadness around missing him, and finally ending with celebrating what I learned from him. It took just an hour, and I left feeling completely finished, excised of any clinging or craving, and able to effortlessly say "No thanks!" to his next late-night phone call. Pairing words and actions with emotions in a contained and structured time and space, that gives some order to the chaos, might do next to nothing -- but it might help to move through a difficult transition. I was so impressed with this power hour that I went to grad school to study ritual work. Gestalt psychotherapy is a far cry from cultural anthropology, but I perceived a connection to rites of passage that help neophytes transition from one state to another.

I recognize the cringe-factor in all of this, but it's worked for thousands of years to take children into adulthood, and we've kept at it when marrying and burying, so there's likely something useful in the process. And it feels like we need something transformative more than ever.

On Mesothelioma: Dying to be Heard

Today isn't just Groundhog's Day, it's "Lung Leavin' Day" - a commemorative day sparked by Heather Von St. James who had her lung removed eight years ago today due to mesothelioma.  Check out the ritual she cultivated on her website and an interview with her here.  This is a very specific cancer caused by asbestos exposure.  Most people diagnosed don't last a year, but she was lucky to find a specialist who was willing to remove a lung to save her life.

How to tell if your tiles are asbestos.

She wore her dad's work coat as a kid.  That's all it takes.

Asbestos is in many older building - any construction done in your home or workplace pre-1980s might mean you have asbestos lurking somewhere:  insulation in your attic or ceiling tiles above your head as you work.  It's one of those things I try not to think about too much as I go about my day in my 87-year-old house, and 159-year-old school.  And let's not talk about the number of old houses I've gutted over the years when I stupidly took no precautions, as I'm sure many don't.

Somehow I'm wary of lead paint, wearing full body-armour and a ventilator to strip wood, but oblivious to asbestos wearing only a t-shirt and shorts to put in a floor on top of the attic insulation.  Attention must be paid.

And some still want to export it.

"As recently as 2010, Canada was producing 150,000 tonnes of asbestos annually, all of it in Quebec, and exporting 90 per cent — worth about $90 million — to developing countries. More than 50 countries ban the mining and use of asbestos because it causes cancer, but Canada, traditionally a major exporter, has successfully lobbied in the past to keep it off a UN list of hazardous substances."

A park in Sarnia - a former asbestos producer - was recently closed last spring because they found asbestos in the soil.

The Jeffrey Mine in Asbestos, Quebec.

Premier Pauline Marois

The Jeffrey Mine in Quebec is the last of them, and the province, under Marois, refused to financially help them restart production.  Ottawa offered $50 million to keep the plant open, but Quebec refused it.  And a lot of people lost their jobs.   It's been "temporarily closed" since October 2011.

It's a hopeful sign, at the very least, that some politicians can sometimes see the forest for the trees.  It's always horrible to take away jobs from people in need, but those jobs are deadly -  for the employees, their families, and anyone working with the product down the line.   We have to focus on the bigger picture in everything we do from here on in.  Of course we need sufficient help for those affected by the immediate changes to our economy, but change it must.       

On Saying "Merry Christmas!"

I've come across a few recent bits of writing from people who think we should do away with "Merry Christmas."  Even though I'm an atheist, I love Christmas, and I really hope I don't offend people with the following because it is Christmas and all!

The rules around what's allowed during Christmas at my public school seem to change from year to year.  This year, there were carols and a tree without any debate, but some years we can only celebrate Christmas and put up a tree in the foyer if we have something there also commemorating Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Ramadan, the latter two not always falling at the same time as Christmas.  It's unfortunate a Festivus pole was never a requirement.  That none of these have anything to do with Christmas beyond a semblance of timing (some years closer than others) isn't necessarily a problem, except we typically don't celebrate anything else from any other culture at any other time.  It's a grab bag of festivities that we use to permit a Christian celebration in a pubic school.

But this is an argument that suggests either we celebrate everything or nothing demanding a show of equality through equal time given.  My counterargument is that this celebration is a part of the dominant culture and, more importantly, that it's a tradition worth fostering.

On Ritual Work

It might sound flaky or religious or new-agey, but cultivating ritual ceremonies isn't necessarily any of those. It can be a dramatic way to cut through to the core of an issue affecting us and help us through significant transitions. We already do graduations, funerals and weddings (which we don't always do very well, often focusing more on the dress and cake than the union), but there are other transitions that we could use some help getting through. Jung wrote about it, as did James Hillman,

Years ago, an old boyfriend and I, our relationship on shaky ground, went to a therapist. She took us through a ritual to help us end our dying relationship, and I was fascinated by how powerfully the ritual affected me. So in grad school I sought out courses in Ritual Studies to learn more. Then as a teacher, when I got to the anthropology unit of my Challenge of Change in Society class, I started including a section on ritual work.

By chance, one of my ritual studies professors had two children who ended up in my class. I was a little nervous teaching them about ritual work since they were sired by an expert in the field. But he assured me that, at the time, they had no interest in reading any of his books, so they got all their introductory knowledge from me. Yikes!